as we walk down the streets i notice the absence...
the absence of the effort of stopping myself from wanting to hold your hand like we used to.
the absence of the feeling of longing for a lost past.
the absence of the pain of regret.
i smile :)
do i love her?
do i still love her?
i don't know.
i know for certain that i did.
it felt so right.
even when they said it's wrong.
it's so hard letting her go.
it hurt so much to see her cry.
but i had to. i must.
i should!
...nuts.
i still love her.
but, no... i shouldn't...
i don't know...
i'm just glad we're still friends...
we talk, like the friends we are
before we became more
and less.
and after.
i'm happy to see that he hasn't changed.
he's still the reliable friend he'd always been.
i'm happy to see that honest smile.
i smile back.
we talk, like the friends we are
that we have always been.
we play, like the friends we are
that we have always been.
we were sitting on the couch
when our chats turn to laughter
when laughter turns to play
her laugh i'll always love.
as we hit and dodge each other
with our pillows.
i was standing, half-kneeling above her
when i slipped.
I'm falling.
for her.
again.
it feels so good to laugh again.
it feels so good to be able to be close
without feeling scared.
i feel safe when i'm with him.
so rare...
to find a guy i can feel safe with.
we laughed as we had our pillow fight
squealing and laughing
as he fell on top of me
on the couch
I? We? hesitated.
we kissed.
it felt so right...
it feels so right
but i can't love her
i'm not allowed to.
i wanted so much too tell her
i never stopped loving her
but i can't
i shouldn't
i look into her eyes.
"i love you" i said in silence.
that should be enough.
i hope it is enough.
she smiled. i smiled back.
but her eyes has a tinge of sadness.
SILENCE.
i hide my doubt in silence.
it just rings louder.
i hide my love in silence.
it just burns brighter.
after that kiss, i wanted to ask
"tayo na ba uli?"
"you love me?"
but i dare not ask.
i'm too scared to ruin everything
by asking.
by bringing it to light.
because i'm afraid
i'd only be disappointed.
again.
so i just left it to hang.
act like it never happened.