SHIVA
I can
Destroy you.
Cross me
And I will.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
SLAYER
you can't hurt me
you can't kill me
i am dead
most honorable daughter
of the royal Dragon clan
beloved and respected
but came the War of Gods
empire fell to dust and defeat
i fell to slavery and imprisonment
once a princess
now a whore
honor stripped forevermore
yet in those dark painful nights
i felt a gentle touch
and found healing love
most honorable son
of the royal Tiger clan
loved and respected me
the Serpent clan who captured me
feared our love to be a threat
and demanded their gift back
my prince was forced to choose
lose the alliance, or lose the girl?
in the end his weakness failed me
in the hands of my enemies
of the clan that destroyed mine
my death assured their safety
but my body was stolen
by the rebelling Phoenix clan
and resurrected me
in my rebirth a Dragon awakens
a demon of vengeance and rage
to lead them against a common enemy
the Serpent defeated
the Tiger defended
for their alliance held
they sent their greatest warrior
to face the Dragon empress
old lovers came face to face
fire died from my eyes
anger doused from my heart
body resumed my human form
he stared at me with wide eyes
and seized me in his arms
and told me he loved me
tears escaped as i closed my eyes
and gave him a long sweet kiss
and told him i loved him
eyes gazed with sorrow as lips parted
i let him fall to the ground
for he tasted my poison of vengeace
the war is over
we have won
i am dead.
you can't hurt me
you can't kill me
i am dead
most honorable daughter
of the royal Dragon clan
beloved and respected
but came the War of Gods
empire fell to dust and defeat
i fell to slavery and imprisonment
once a princess
now a whore
honor stripped forevermore
yet in those dark painful nights
i felt a gentle touch
and found healing love
most honorable son
of the royal Tiger clan
loved and respected me
the Serpent clan who captured me
feared our love to be a threat
and demanded their gift back
my prince was forced to choose
lose the alliance, or lose the girl?
in the end his weakness failed me
in the hands of my enemies
of the clan that destroyed mine
my death assured their safety
but my body was stolen
by the rebelling Phoenix clan
and resurrected me
in my rebirth a Dragon awakens
a demon of vengeance and rage
to lead them against a common enemy
the Serpent defeated
the Tiger defended
for their alliance held
they sent their greatest warrior
to face the Dragon empress
old lovers came face to face
fire died from my eyes
anger doused from my heart
body resumed my human form
he stared at me with wide eyes
and seized me in his arms
and told me he loved me
tears escaped as i closed my eyes
and gave him a long sweet kiss
and told him i loved him
eyes gazed with sorrow as lips parted
i let him fall to the ground
for he tasted my poison of vengeace
the war is over
we have won
i am dead.
nightmares. every night it's nightmares. i close my eyes against the harsh white light. and the biting cold wind. and in the forced darkness i see shadows invading me. in my blindness i feel his uncaring touch. my mind screams in helpless, futile protest. and my eyes would open again, escaping back into the blinding light.
silencing a gasp of anguish as i escape back to the waking world. i resolve to finally stop being stubborn, and call on you. at least, if only, in my dreams, let me call on you. let me run, eyes tight shut, as i fall into you. let me feel you hold me again, so strong yet so gentle, the embrace that i may never feel again. let me feel safe.
God, let me feel safe.
silencing a gasp of anguish as i escape back to the waking world. i resolve to finally stop being stubborn, and call on you. at least, if only, in my dreams, let me call on you. let me run, eyes tight shut, as i fall into you. let me feel you hold me again, so strong yet so gentle, the embrace that i may never feel again. let me feel safe.
God, let me feel safe.
My story is about a land. And its people.
I used to be just a lush, verdant land, experiencing life through my children. I drank the light of the sun with the leaves of my trees. And let moonlight play upon the rivers that run through my lands to the seas. I breathe sweet air for and from my plants and beasts. And fly through birds who were my jewels upon the wind. And swim through the fish who were my jewels upon the waters.
Then the first of my people came.
I was awash with joy as I felt their love for me, for taking them in as my children. They held celebrations when I grant them a successful hunt, or a bounteous harvest. And I heard them pray when they get scared of the storms and volcanoes. They soon learned and became stronger. And held their own as they forged friendships with strangers who come upon my lands, to explore, to trade. And sometimes to become one of my children.
And then I met my first husband.
He came upon me wounded and lost. I helped him regain his strength and his bearings. He found me beautiful. And wanted to keep me to himself. My children objected and drove him away. He became angry. He said he wanted me. Needed me. And thus he shall have me, whether we want to or not. He came to me again, the next time more forceful than the last, until at last I submitted.
We were married for three centuries.
He told me how to run my people. He taught me Christianity. He made my children build palaces of stone for us to live in. He made my children build ships for his trades. He cut down my trees. Killed my animals. Tore my mountains. And destroyed the spirit of my people. He made my children slaves. To kiss the crucifix he wears. To bow upon the ground he treads. He had his way with my daughters, who could do naught but cry. He was using my lands. Using my people. Using me.
Soon I had enough.
My tears ran. My voice cried out for justice. My anger burned. Soon the anger burned in the hearts of my people. Soon they they stood up in rebellion. At first he just slapped me and laughed. I kept fighting, yet I cannot drive him away. I realized that I may never defeat him, that he may always own me, but I’ll keep fighting anyway. Soon he grew tired of my resistance. But he didn’t set me free.
He gave me to another.
I was wary at first, and most of all frustrated. I have been fighting to be free, only to have me married to another. Am I to face three more centuries of subservience? Yet when he approached he seemed gentle and kind. My second husband gave me education. My people gained knowledge, as it was freely given, instead of seeking it in other lands as a foreigner. I might have grown to love him, but I never had the chance to be really sure…
For I was snatched away.
My second husband tried to rescue me, to win me back. But the monster was powerful, and successfully made off with me. I suffered as his prisoner. He was more cruel than my first husband. He beat me up and raped me gain and again. I wasn’t his wife nor his slave. I was his prisoner. My life then was nothing but to hide. For once I were to be found he would hurt me yet again.
I was surprised when my husband came again. This time he succesfully reclaimed me. Apparently he had friends to help him win me back. He told me he and his friends banded together to defeat my tormentor and his allies. I was his again. I was still unsure if I loved him, but I accepted him, and he was happy enough with that.
Still, I felt restless. The need for independence still burns within me, even if my people were not oppressed nor tormented as before. I asked him to let me go. He said he can’t, for he thinks I was still not ready. I went to his lands, and saw its wealth and progress. I should have felt assured that my people would be safe, for I saw his white children happy and prosperous.
But in my travels I met strange people, with copper skin. I asked them whose people they were, and they showed me their mother. She looked as if she was once a proud chieftess, but now she is in rags, living in this small dusty corner with her children. I felt horror when she told me she was the true mother of the land, but her husband now rules it, and that the white people, her stepchildren, now enjoys the wealth that was once theirs. I looked at her people and all I thought was “That could be my children…”
At home I went to my husband and demanded for my independence. He wondered why I suddenly opened the subject again. I told that I met the true mother of ‘his’ land and her people. I told him that I never want to be like her, that I have been fighting for centuries so I will never like her. I may not be as strong as he is but I am willing to be as strong as I should be for my children.
With this, he let me go.
And here I am now. Stumbling in my independence, like a toddler who suddenly had nothing to hold on to to stand up, to walk. I could hear other people laughing at me everytime I fall down. They jeered at me, telling me I shouldn’t have left him, that I still needed him. I didn’t mind them. I plodded on. I struggled on, me and my children, as together we journey to find ourselves…
THE END
I used to be just a lush, verdant land, experiencing life through my children. I drank the light of the sun with the leaves of my trees. And let moonlight play upon the rivers that run through my lands to the seas. I breathe sweet air for and from my plants and beasts. And fly through birds who were my jewels upon the wind. And swim through the fish who were my jewels upon the waters.
Then the first of my people came.
I was awash with joy as I felt their love for me, for taking them in as my children. They held celebrations when I grant them a successful hunt, or a bounteous harvest. And I heard them pray when they get scared of the storms and volcanoes. They soon learned and became stronger. And held their own as they forged friendships with strangers who come upon my lands, to explore, to trade. And sometimes to become one of my children.
And then I met my first husband.
He came upon me wounded and lost. I helped him regain his strength and his bearings. He found me beautiful. And wanted to keep me to himself. My children objected and drove him away. He became angry. He said he wanted me. Needed me. And thus he shall have me, whether we want to or not. He came to me again, the next time more forceful than the last, until at last I submitted.
We were married for three centuries.
He told me how to run my people. He taught me Christianity. He made my children build palaces of stone for us to live in. He made my children build ships for his trades. He cut down my trees. Killed my animals. Tore my mountains. And destroyed the spirit of my people. He made my children slaves. To kiss the crucifix he wears. To bow upon the ground he treads. He had his way with my daughters, who could do naught but cry. He was using my lands. Using my people. Using me.
Soon I had enough.
My tears ran. My voice cried out for justice. My anger burned. Soon the anger burned in the hearts of my people. Soon they they stood up in rebellion. At first he just slapped me and laughed. I kept fighting, yet I cannot drive him away. I realized that I may never defeat him, that he may always own me, but I’ll keep fighting anyway. Soon he grew tired of my resistance. But he didn’t set me free.
He gave me to another.
I was wary at first, and most of all frustrated. I have been fighting to be free, only to have me married to another. Am I to face three more centuries of subservience? Yet when he approached he seemed gentle and kind. My second husband gave me education. My people gained knowledge, as it was freely given, instead of seeking it in other lands as a foreigner. I might have grown to love him, but I never had the chance to be really sure…
For I was snatched away.
My second husband tried to rescue me, to win me back. But the monster was powerful, and successfully made off with me. I suffered as his prisoner. He was more cruel than my first husband. He beat me up and raped me gain and again. I wasn’t his wife nor his slave. I was his prisoner. My life then was nothing but to hide. For once I were to be found he would hurt me yet again.
I was surprised when my husband came again. This time he succesfully reclaimed me. Apparently he had friends to help him win me back. He told me he and his friends banded together to defeat my tormentor and his allies. I was his again. I was still unsure if I loved him, but I accepted him, and he was happy enough with that.
Still, I felt restless. The need for independence still burns within me, even if my people were not oppressed nor tormented as before. I asked him to let me go. He said he can’t, for he thinks I was still not ready. I went to his lands, and saw its wealth and progress. I should have felt assured that my people would be safe, for I saw his white children happy and prosperous.
But in my travels I met strange people, with copper skin. I asked them whose people they were, and they showed me their mother. She looked as if she was once a proud chieftess, but now she is in rags, living in this small dusty corner with her children. I felt horror when she told me she was the true mother of the land, but her husband now rules it, and that the white people, her stepchildren, now enjoys the wealth that was once theirs. I looked at her people and all I thought was “That could be my children…”
At home I went to my husband and demanded for my independence. He wondered why I suddenly opened the subject again. I told that I met the true mother of ‘his’ land and her people. I told him that I never want to be like her, that I have been fighting for centuries so I will never like her. I may not be as strong as he is but I am willing to be as strong as I should be for my children.
With this, he let me go.
And here I am now. Stumbling in my independence, like a toddler who suddenly had nothing to hold on to to stand up, to walk. I could hear other people laughing at me everytime I fall down. They jeered at me, telling me I shouldn’t have left him, that I still needed him. I didn’t mind them. I plodded on. I struggled on, me and my children, as together we journey to find ourselves…
THE END
SWATCH
You gave me the watch
Because you don't need it
But I loved it and cherished it
As I loved the one who gave it
And the watch told me the hours
Of nights we spent together
And days we wake each other
With sunrises and kisses
Then the watch told me the minutes
I spent waiting for you, late again
And when you finally came to me
The watch said you'd leave again, too early
Now you gave me away
Because you don't need me
and I count each second of loneliness
With this watch you gave me.
You gave me the watch
Because you don't need it
But I loved it and cherished it
As I loved the one who gave it
And the watch told me the hours
Of nights we spent together
And days we wake each other
With sunrises and kisses
Then the watch told me the minutes
I spent waiting for you, late again
And when you finally came to me
The watch said you'd leave again, too early
Now you gave me away
Because you don't need me
and I count each second of loneliness
With this watch you gave me.
SUCCUBUS
lay down love
close your eyes
leave your world
enter mine
and feel me
feel my touch
warm your skin
taste my lips
hear me say
'i love you'
dark of night
light of stars
only when
only then
i have you
when stars fade
and night leaves
for sunrise
to wake you
from your dream
one last time
i'd kiss you
and whisper
'farewell love'
and leave you
but when the sun sets
and dear night returns
i'll come back to you
and we'll become one
all over again
lay down love
close your eyes
leave your world
enter mine
and feel me
feel my touch
warm your skin
taste my lips
hear me say
'i love you'
dark of night
light of stars
only when
only then
i have you
when stars fade
and night leaves
for sunrise
to wake you
from your dream
one last time
i'd kiss you
and whisper
'farewell love'
and leave you
but when the sun sets
and dear night returns
i'll come back to you
and we'll become one
all over again
a lost angel cries
"nobody loves me!"
a man comes saying
"I'll love you."
and held her, too tight
"I can't breathe"
she gasped.
And he loved her
and she just cried
he was so happy
she was so sad
he became angry.
he threw her down
see the angel fall
she crashed to the earth
broken, battered, used
she smiles in relief.
she's free
she's lonely
she's still lost
she's healing.
she's relieved.
"nobody loves me!"
a man comes saying
"I'll love you."
and held her, too tight
"I can't breathe"
she gasped.
And he loved her
and she just cried
he was so happy
she was so sad
he became angry.
he threw her down
see the angel fall
she crashed to the earth
broken, battered, used
she smiles in relief.
she's free
she's lonely
she's still lost
she's healing.
she's relieved.
Monday, April 07, 2003
SCARS
I took refuge in darkness
To hide these scars I bear
Careful not to show myself
More careful not to care.
He then invaded my void
A shocking, blinding light.
I cried out in protest
Hid further out of sight.
"Never look upon me
Nor on my painful scars,
Ever haunting, marring
Like cracks on crystal jars."
He said, "Fear not, survivor,
And shed your cloak of night.
I know those scars have come
From fighting for what's right."
"And another truth I know,
As a fighter, just like you,
Is that in scars of battle
Does true beauty shine through."
And the light slowly faded
To a tiny spark inside.
Forever it kept burning
'Til my fear and anger died.
Plunged again in darkness
His light I yearn to find
For the nail-scars on His hands and feet
Are still fresh in my mind.
I took refuge in darkness
To hide these scars I bear
Careful not to show myself
More careful not to care.
He then invaded my void
A shocking, blinding light.
I cried out in protest
Hid further out of sight.
"Never look upon me
Nor on my painful scars,
Ever haunting, marring
Like cracks on crystal jars."
He said, "Fear not, survivor,
And shed your cloak of night.
I know those scars have come
From fighting for what's right."
"And another truth I know,
As a fighter, just like you,
Is that in scars of battle
Does true beauty shine through."
And the light slowly faded
To a tiny spark inside.
Forever it kept burning
'Til my fear and anger died.
Plunged again in darkness
His light I yearn to find
For the nail-scars on His hands and feet
Are still fresh in my mind.
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